This is a rocky start.
My teaching experience, up until today, has been limited to Thai children, who have no interest in learning English. If I remember correctly, some of them branch off in the forty student classroom and begin doing their make up in the back of the classroom. Many days ended with me walking home from school in daze, wondering: "What am I doing wrong?"
And now, I have a classroom full of 9 older students, all of them over the age of 55. They have lived lives that I have no idea about. And now, it's my job to teach them how to focus their efforts on writing about one facet of their journey thus far. And now, one of them has questioned my methods. The student who looks like she's having a meltdown, "who might be in the wrong class" is making my world fall apart. I wonder how many of her are in the classroom right now. Will they rise up and rebel against me?
She admits that she had no idea what a memoir was. She was under the impression that she would be free to write about her entire life. When I explain that she's thinking of an autobiography, she looks like she's not the only one under that impression. There will be a mutiny, won't there?
That's the way the first class ends. I pack up my things and watch as the students file out the door and wonder: "What am I doing wrong?" I will beat myself up over this for the next week, until I sit down to plan the second class, the night before it starts. I make a lesson plan for myself, guiding me through the two hour class, I make a PowerPoint with graphics and videos, I copy off examples of memoir writing and articles. I exhaust myself with planning until it's out of my hands and in the hands of fate.The second class, is not so precarious. Students return as I set up my "act", they take their seats and wait for me to preform for them again. The nervous student from last week tells me that she almost didn't come back. That she thought about dropping altogether. It sounds like a threat, a challenge for me to prove myself. She's now become my main motivator. This one student is the litmus test for the entire class and if I can impress her, I might make it.
This time, I'm on my game. I give them so much valuable information that they furiously write notes, ask questions, make comments and share experiences. I assign them their first serious home work assignment: go home and write a 750 word essay about a specific theme in their lives. They appear to be up to the challenge.
The third class is where things take a miraculous turn. Students return and they sing praises of my skills. It's so odd, validating and unexpected that I don't know what to think. They've written their essays and want more. Unfortunately, the class ends after one more meeting. Knowing this, makes them feel an urgency I've never head of. They want more classes, they want more time with me. They've only just gotten in their groove that they need more motivation to write. One students said that she's contacted the director and complained that we need more classes. Another student, suggested that we all meet outside of the class at a local coffee shop and continue class. In other words, I've changed the way they see the written word.
At the end of class, I pack my things, shut down the class computer and say goodbye to my students. I'm moving in that all too familiar daze, but this time it's slightly different. It's not disappointment or anxiety. It's a sublime realization that I'm doing an okay job at this teaching business. In fact, I might be good at it. I might actually know what the hell I'm doing!
I don't know if I've been praised of motivating another person to write and write well. Their excitement is motivating to me and I now know what it means to work hard not to disappoint another learner. I have one more class meeting with them and I'm nervous and excited to feel their energy again. I have to make a plan, I have to find a way to invest in their writing goals and push them forward.
Is this what teaching is? Having already been on the opposite end of teaching, the frustrating one; this is exhilarating. I've learned that this is quite possibly the thing that I was meant to do.
